Growing like the cedar of Lebanon

A couple of months before turning 27 I remember the realization of my age hitting me like a ton of bricks. It was something that I couldn’t quite accept at first and when I tried I would find myself in a mini anxiety attack over it. I’m sure some of my friends remember me obsessively asking them if “27” just felt different to them. Most of them laughed and made me laugh too but something about 27 had me all types of stressed. I remember thinking “WOW! I’m 27”, “HOW am I 27!”.

I think it was my sister I was speaking with recently and I had an epiphany as we were discussing my most recent birthday (28). It was like all of the sudden I finally understand why 27 had me so freaked out. It’s because the last birthday I truly celebrated and remembered the best was when I had turned 24. That was the last birthday I had before I began a new life with a new identity as “Mom”. After my 24th birthday, I became pregnant with my oldest son. After he was born I breastfed him for a year and right at the 11-month mark of our breastfeeding journey, I found out I was pregnant with my second son. So for 20 months, my body was no longer mine and my new self had another self attached to me almost 24/7 and before my body could even start to remember what autonomy was I was now sharing my body and sense of self with yet another person. I had my second son and started the cycle all over again. Breastfeeding, operating around nap time and feeding schedules, while also listening and acting on the commands of a toddler.

When my individuality began to return I was suddenly on the cusp of 27! I was lost, I didn’t know myself anymore and thrusted into a frustrating season where everything seemed broken and I felt so unaware of what to even do with myself. Slowly after my birthday I started meeting myself again and I liked her but 27 was not done with me yet. Almost 6 months into my 27th year my future plans and life as I knew it was yet again like a fly swatter to the face that I did not see coming.

But God, Thank you God for 27!

The remaining months that followed made me the woman I am now and God renewed me and made me aware of my new purpose which is why you’re reading this blog. I can’t even express the excitement I felt for turning 28 because this age feels brand new and so full of hope and prosperity. I almost can’t wait to use the “thirty, flirty, and thriving” phrase because this girl sure is thriving!

I’ve thought a lot about age in the last few months. Not just by reliving my past anxiety or my newfound hope with the longevity of my life but also by the importance that some people place on a number that signifies how long you’ve been alive. As I’ve said before age does not equate to maturity just as youth does not stir jealousy in the mature person who values wisdom and life experiences over a pretty face.

I adore that I can see my age in my face. My cheeks aren’t as full as they used to be but with that plumpness out of the way these cheekbones get to shine and I’m in awe with the bone structure that’s always been there. Each new age brings a new kind of beauty and it makes me consider the plants in the ground. They grow with many different phases and a new form presenting itself even after they fully bloom.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I loved these passages as I was writing this post and what initially stuck out to me was that these bodies are temporary but our soul is eternal. It’s easier to see now that even if you start all the way back over at the age of 50 that there is still a beautiful and wonderful life ahead of you. It’s funny being so close to 30 and thinking when I was in high school how old that seemed and that most people MUST have their lives all figured out by then. It makes me literally laugh out loud now. I also came across Psalm 92 and it stirred gratefulness in me for the years to come.

Psalm 92:12-14

12 The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; 13 planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. 14 They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green,

I didn’t exactly know what the cedar tree of Lebanon looked like until I looked it up and it is quite a beautiful tree. I’ve since learned that this is the only way that I want to be concerned with aging. Spiritually growing and allowing God to let my sphere of influence flourish and in my earthly old age still bear fruit for his glory. And if I choose my tree wisely the seed I plant in the lives around me may outlive me.