A letter to myself about depression

I’ve been kind of rebuilding myself since everything happened at the end of last year #eff2020 am I right?? Before those events occurred I had overcome a long battle with depression and was truly rooted in a good place. It’s surprising how quickly that sense of worth and self can be shattered by unforeseen circumstances. After those events I quickly went into a badass B mode if you know what I mean. I was the best dang thing that ever was and ever will be and I knew it! My hair was perfect, my face was the most flawless thing even without makeup and my body … oooh girl don’t even get me started on this immaculate piece of art that created two little miracles!

This sense of extreme confidence was completely necessary at first because without it as Lysa Terkeurst says (I’m paraphrasing) the weight of all that happened would have surely killed me. Without this level of protection I know I would have fallen so deep into depression again that I’m not entirely sure that I would’ve been able to get myself out. However as time went on and I started processing and unpacking everything with each day revealing something new, that extreme sense of confidence slowly wilted away. I started to feel the weight of all the unfairness. I began to listen to what the enemy was saying to me again. I began questioning my self-worth, my judgment, my purpose, my looks and my ability to be a good mom. The enemy tells me that anyone can mother my children and that some other girl out there is more qualified. The enemy tells me that my existence in this world is pointless and that someone else can love my husband better and turn his eye more. The enemy tells me that no matter what I do or what I decide my life is doomed and I will always fall victim to the bad decisions of others. The enemy tells me that I’m the most unattractive person since I’ve had kids and my husband probably thinks the same. The enemy tells me that I have no purpose in this life and nothing worth contributing because all I do is raise my kids from home.

BUT GOD SAYS,

You are not what broke you. YOU are the Phoenix rising from the ashes that God breathed new life into.

YOU are raising babies and shepherding little souls for the Lord! Only you can mother these heathens/angels.

You are enough, You are worthy, because YOU were made in the image of God. You are beautiful not only in appearance but in soul and spirit.

YOU are a blessing to others and I have called you to share the truth of God through your testimony and use your gifts that I have given you.

This is the truth that I have chosen to root myself in. This is what my depression/ the enemy has to bow down to.

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” - John 10:10

The enemy steals our happiness, kills our dreams and destroys self worth. At least in my case. He knows I have chains of depression and anxiety that weigh me down. Thankfully with God I recognize it much sooner now. I can still find myself in a pit of despair however I am equipped to attack it within the first few hours or days that it happens. This doesn’t mean I won’t ever be in a months long marathon of depression again, it just means that I know God is stronger and can fight all my battles.

Lord, today I want to pray against generational curses of depression and that those chains be broken. I pray against the enemy’s ability to tear me down. I pray against all of the devils schemes and for you God to intervene at every turn. I pray you continually speak Your truth to me through the Holy Spirit. Heavenly Father thank you for reminding me that I am worthy, loved, cherished, chosen and have a purpose to be fulfilled for your glory! I pray for everyone reading this and that they know they are not alone. In Jesus’s name, AMEN!